Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis-Baby's Beginning

My experiences of concieving our first child using preimplantation genetic diagnosis

Friday, June 12, 2009

We lost another one.

Does this picture look familiar? It's becoming like a second home to me... Well, we got pregnant again naturally, again after only one month of trying. But alas, once again, we got an egg from the bad half of my stores. This just feels like a bad dream... I feel like I'm going to wake up one of these days and get the other phone call... the good one...

It was a girl this time. We had a day of indecision... I wavered. We decided in the beginning we would have to terminate girls as well. There is just too high of risk of neurological problems. But then, there's always the hope that maybe she might be okay... We talked to the doctor, talked to the genetic counselor, we wondered specifically about ultrasound options - if there was anything we could scan for in the ultrasound that would give us any indication of how severe, or absent, any neurological problems would be... But the answer is no. I knew this would be hard, and it really truly is the hardest thing. Forget miscarriages and terminations with the boys, we knew they wouldn't survive anyway. Forget giving myself injections and the rest of the PGD, that's nothing. Living through three first trimesters only to have the baby die, it's inconsequential. THIS is hard. But in the end, desperation aside, I know we cannot gamble with life. We made the decision to try naturally, we knew a positive girl was a possibility. Now that we're actually in that situation, we have to accept our decision and logic and not be guided by wishful thinking. Sure, she might be fine, but then again, the risk of neurological problems is just too great. We will never know, and that's just something we have to live with.

This was our third and final natural try. I don't feel that it's medically a good idea to continue to have miscarriages and terminations. Three is already too many. While the PGD has its own concerns, luckily, many of them may now be avoidable! I can't wait to tell you about a new option I just recently found out about - "Mini PGD"...


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